Saturday, July 19, 2008

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These Things I've Loved......Gems of wisdom, golden thoughts, and treasured pearls of truth contained in witty phrases, clever sayings and heartfelt verse.


18 UNIVERSAL LAWS

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

@ 3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

@ 5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

10. Law of Bio-mechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11. Law of the Theater - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

12. The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.


Unused Quotes

A
~A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

~Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back

~A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

~A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

~A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station...

~An acquaintance is a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

~Advice is something the wise don't need and the fools won't accept.

~Animals are such agreeable friends; they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.

~A well-informed person is one who has opinions just like ours.

~An un-biased person is usually one who has the same bias we have.

~Anyone who stops learning is old whether this happens at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps on learning not only remains young but becomes increasingly valuable.

~Anger is that feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

~A person can fail many times but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else.

~A mosquito is like a small boy; when he stops making a noise you know he is getting into something.

~A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave five minutes longer.

~A man's character is like a fence, all the whitewash in the world won't strengthen it.

~A pat on the back will help build character if it is given often enough, hard enough, and low enough.

~Adolescence is the age at which children stop asking questions, because they know all the answers.

~A torn jacket is soon mended, but harsh words bruise the heart of a child. -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

~

~A single rose can be my garden . . . a single friend, my world.

~Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.

~Affirmations are not bound up in rules. An affirmation can be long or short, poetic or plain. If you love a phrase and find that it helps you, that is a valid affirmation.

~Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long time.

~Age appears to be best in four things; old wood best to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read.

~Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

~Aging isn't that bad if you consider the alternatives.

~Always remember the more you are promised, the less you should expect.

~A true friend knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities.

~A great way to find out what you want from life is to write your own epitaph.

~A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

~A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and loves you today just the way you are.

~Art attracts us only by what it reveals of our most secret self.

~A friend can tell you things you don't want to tell yourself. -

~A true friend warms you with her presence, trusts you with her secrets, and remembers you in her prayers.

~A friend will dance with you in the sunlight and walk with you in the shadows.

~A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.

~A simple friend has never seen you cry. A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

~A friend is one with whom you dare to be yourself.

~A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Darn...that was fun!"

~A mother never realizes that her children are no longer children.

~A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie

~A certain grandma was so delighted when she heard that her grandchildren were coming for a visit that she gave five dollars to the church. The following Sunday, after the children had left, she gave ten dollars.

~A woman doesn't mind her son becoming a boxer as long as he becomes a doctor or lawyer first. ~Jewish saying.

~As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not important that you understand what I'm doing or why you're paying me so much money. What's important is that you continue to do so.

~A half-truth and a whole lie are good companions.

~A great mind is always a generous one.

~A bore only stops talking to see if you are still listening.

~A hyppocrit is someone who is not himself on Sundays.

~A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the rear.

~A woman's work is never done. So why bother?

~Aim low. Reach your goals. Avoid disappointment.

~Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind, and the ones who mind, don't matter.

~Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!

~Ancient Egyptians slept on pillows made of stone. That's actually what caused many of their deaths...pillow fights.

~A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work.

~A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

~A calendar's days are numbered.

~A Christmas sign from a department store: "Big pre-Christmas sale. Come in and mangle with the crowd."

~A computer DOES save time at work. Now I can play solitaire without having to spend all that time shuffling real cards.

~A friend is a person who listens attentively while you say nothing.

~A hard boiled egg is hard to beat.

~Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

~Among the English language's many puzzling words is "economy," which means the large size in toothpaste and the small size in automobiles.

~An apology is a good way to have the last word.

~An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.

~Asked to write a composition entitled, "What I'm thankful for on Thanksgiving," little Johnny wrote, "I'm thankful that I'm not a turkey."

~A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

~After thirty, a body has a mind of its own.

~Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone.

~Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

~Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

~Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young.

~Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him.

~Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

~A true friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else.

~A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

~A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

~A liar will not be believed, even when he speaks the truth.

~A smart man only believes half of what he hears. A wise man knows which half.

~Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

~Art is a collaboration between God and the artist, and the less the artist does the better.

~Always remember that the future comes one day at a time.

~A DECIMAL POINT:When you rearrange the letters:I'M A DOT IN PLACE.

~ANIMOSITY:When you rearrange the letters:IS NO AMITY

~A friend like you is like a precious gem . . .Hard to find . . .Difficult to part with & treasured forever . . .

B

~Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

~Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.

~Before beginning a Hunt, it is wise to ask someone what you are looking for before you begin looking for it. -- Winnie the Pooh

~Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still.

~Best friends can be found in the oddest places.

~Best friends listen to what you don't say.

~Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. ~Chinese Proverb

~Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. ~Henry David Thoreau

~Be careful reading the fine print. There's no way you're going to like it.

~"Be my Valentine...forever." - God

~Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.

~By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.

~Being a Christian is like an airplane, when you stop you drop.

~Being vague is just as bad as that other thing.

~Birthdays are good for you ... the more you have the longer you live.

~Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.

~Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.

~Blue jeans now come from the store looking like they used to when they were ready for the ragbag.

C
~Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes and having fun.

~Compared to friendship, gold is dirt.

~Constant use will not wear ragged the fabric of friendship. -Dorothy Parker

~Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

~Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and be quiet.

~Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like clearing the drive before it has stopped snowing.

~Computer message I'd like to see: Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

~Coincidences happen when God chooses to remain anonymous.

~Called my stockbroker this morning and asked him what I should be buying? He said, "Canned goods and ammunition."

~Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance.To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect.

~Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.

~Christmas is not a date. It is a state of mind & heart.

~Confidence is that feeling you have just before you fully understand the situation.

~Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine.



D

~Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

~Draw this line, only as you feel it to be the most worthwhile act of your life.

~Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.

~Doing the will of God doesn't always feel good, but it will always make us feel good!

~Do not believe in miracles...rely on them.

~Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I drive by again?

~Do you brighten a room just by entering or just by leaving?

~Do you find it strange that lemon juice is made with artificial flavor but dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

~Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.

~Dear IRS: I'm sending you this money because I cheated on my income tax and my conscience has been bothering me. If it doesn't stop, I'll send you the rest.

~Don't insult the alligator until after you cross the river.

~Drop a piano on an Army base and I'll show you A-flat major!

~Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there's a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see. Helen Keller

~Don't follow in my footsteps. I walk into walls.

~Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.


E
~Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

~Everything does happen for a reason, but we can't always blame it on God. Sometimes its our own stupid choices.

~Everybody should have a friend like you, but so far it looks like you are one of a kind!

~Every man is the architect of his own fortune.

~Everybody wants to get old, but nobody wants to be old. ~Goethe

~Every time you hit the delete key, you've murdered a character.

~Everybody wants to get to Heaven, but nobody wants to die.

~Experience is what helps you make an old mistake in a new way.

~Eighty percent of success is just showing up . . .

~Education is what you get when you read the fine print. Experience is what you get if you don't.

~ Every evening I turn my troubles over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway.

~Evil can reform, but stupid is forever.

~Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man's lifetime income - which he then spends sending his son to college.

~ELEVEN PLUS TWO;When you rearrange the letters:TWELVE PLUS ONE

~Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.


F

~"Forget past mistakes. Forget failures. Forget about everything except what you're going to do now - and do it."

~Flowers and friendships are both miracles when they Bloom

~Friendships begin because, even without words, we understand how someone feels.

~Friends are family you choose for yourself.

~Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies. -Aristotle

~Friends are like your second family, only closer.

~Friends aren't jumper cables, you don't throw them into the trunk and pull them out for emergencies.

~Friends are those with whom we feel comfortable enough to "think out loud".

~Friends . . . they cherish each others hopes. They are kind to each others dreams.

~Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one." -C.S. Lewis

~Friendships are fragile things, and require as much care in handling as any other fragile and precious thing.

~Forget about world peace...visualize using your turn signal!

~Four out of five people think the fifth is an idiot.

~Frequent naps prevent old age, especially if taken while driving.

~Friends may come and go but enemies accumulate.

~Furniture Disease is when you reach that stage in life when your chest starts sliding down into your drawers.

~Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age. Victor Hugo

G
~Grandmas are moms with lots of frosting.

~Gene police: YOU! Out of the pool!

~Get the facts first. You can distort them later.

~Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Give a man a stick of dynamite and soon the whole village will be strewn with mud, seaweed, and unidentifiable chunks of fish.

~Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and get rid of him for the day!
~God only gives us what we can handle, but sometimes I wish he didn't trust me so much!

~God grades on the cross, Not the curve

~God has a purpose and plan for me that no one else can fulfill.

~Good judgment comes from experience.Experience comes from bad judgment.-Unknown

~Generally, helpful hints aren't.

~Going the speed of light is bad for your age.

~Golf was invented as a "game" by the same people who invented bagpipes for "music."

~"Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go."

~Growing old is no more than a bad habit which a busy person has no time to form.


H

~How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

~Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."

~Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

~Hold a true friend with both your hands.

~How foolish we are to spend our lives building walls around our private estates, and then complain how lonely we are.

~He is your best friend who brings out of you the best that is in you. -Henry Ford

~Happiness is a thing to be practiced daily like a violin.

~Handwritten sign, posted over one of those hot air hand dryers: "Please push button and listen for a short message from our CEO."

~Have a great day...unless you have other plans.

~He who laughs first also laughs last if nobody laughed in the middle.

~He who slings mud generally loses ground.

~Help a man when he's in trouble and he will remember you the next time he's in trouble.

~Hit it right, it's a slice. Hit it left, it's a hook. Hit it straight, it's a miracle.

@Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.

~How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

~Horse sense comes from a stable mind.

~He who wants by the yard, but gives by the inch, should be kicked by the foot.

~Have you ever thought that life is a car wash, and you're on a bike?

~How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

~He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

~He who angers you conquers you.

I

~I would rather go to jail for spanking my kids, than for them to go because I didn't.

~It lightens the stroke to draw near to Him who handles the rod.

~If you must cry over spilled milk, be sure and condense it.

~If we accept adversity as a kick in the pants instead of in the face, adversity can become a step up the ladder of success.

~If you give advice only when asked for it, you'll give very little advice.

~If at first you don't succeed, you'll get a lot of unsolicited advice.

~In the world of family relations, three other words are almost as powerful as the famous "I love you." They are, "Maybe you're right."

~It's always easy to fill the shoes of a big-headed people.

~I have tried to keep things in my hands and lost them all, but what I have given into God's hands I still possess. ~Martin Luther

~If a man cannot be a Christian in the place where he is, he cannot be a Christian anywhere. -Henry Ward Beecher

~Is your Christianity ancient history or current events?



~If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. -Mark Twain

~If you want your dreams to come true, you mustn't oversleep.

~In order to act you must be somewhat insane. A reasonably sensible man is satisfied with thinking. (Georges Clemenceau)

~I believe-That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

~I believe-That no matter how good a friend is,they're going to hurt you every once in a while and, you must forgive them for that.

~I believe-That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

~I believe-That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

~I believe-That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

~I believe-That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them

~I believe-That you can keep going long after you can't.

~I believe-That we are responsible forwhat we do, no matter how we feel.

~I believe-That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

~I believe-That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

~I believe-That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

~I believe-That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

~I believe-That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time!

~I believe-That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

~I believe-That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

~I believe-That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

~I believe-That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated .

~I believe-That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

~I believe-That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

~I believe-That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

~I believe-That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

~I believe-That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

~I believe-That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

~I believe-That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

~I believe-That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

~I believe-That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

~I believe-That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

~It is easy to sit up and take notice. What is difficult is getting up and taking action.

~I figured that if I said it enough, I would convince the world that I really was the greatest. (Muhammad Ali)

~I don't want to be the oldest performer in captivity... I don't want to look like a little old man dancing out there. (Fred Astaire)

~I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.

~It is not by the gray of the hair that one knows the age of the heart.

~I just don't want to die the same day Castro dies. (Art Buchwald)

~If you're not running into the devil on a regular basis - you must be traveling in the same direction.

~I am someone's IMAGINARY friend.

~If it's very painful for you to criticize your friends, you're safe in doing it. But if you take the slightest pleasure in it, that's the time to hold your tongue.

~If ignorance is bliss, then I must be the happiest thingamajig in the whatchamacallit!

~It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.-- Abraham Lincoln

~In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer. -Albert Camus

~I've had many friends with whom I've shared my time, but very few with whom I've shared my heart.

~It is the friends that you can call at 4:00 A.M. that matter.

~I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.

~I am not spoiled, I am reality challenged!

~I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in . . . . . .

~In general, those parents having the most reverence, deserve it.

~I think; therefore I am.

~It's so much more friendly with two.Pooh's Little Instruction Book, A.A. Milne

~If you burn the candle at both ends you are not as bright as you think.

~It is better to forgive and forget than to hate and remember.

~I am not stupid. Everyone else is just smarter than me.

~I am ready to face any challenge that might be foolish enough to face me.

~I can see how astronomers figure out the distance of the stars and their size and temperatures and all that. What really gets me is how they find out what their names are!

~I cannot do everything, but I can still do something.

~I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.

~I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

~I gave up jogging for my health. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my underwear.

@I have an important message about growing old ... now I forgot what I was gonna tell you.
~I may look busy, but I'm just confused.
~I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!

~I smile because I have no idea what's going on.

~I used to watch golf on TV but my doctor told me that I need more exercise, so now I watch tennis.

~I've spent most of my life golfing. The rest I've just wasted.

~If at first you don't succeed, you're running about average.

~If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.

~If ignorance is bliss, I'm the happiest person you'll ever meet.

~If ignorance is bliss, then I must be the happiest thingamajig in the whatchamacallit!

~If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

~If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

~If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

~If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

~If you think you are too small to make a difference, you've never had a mosquito in your bedroom.

~If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either.

~In Florida they use alligators to make handbags. Isn't it wonderful what they can train animals to do these days?

~Inflation is when the buck doesn't stop anywhere.

~Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

~It is never wise to let any piece of electronic equipment know that you are in a hurry.

~It's ok to kiss a fool. It's ok to let a fool kiss you. But don't let a kiss fool you.

~In the middle of fault is u.

~It's getting more and more impossible to support the government in the style to which it has become accustomed.

~"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." ~ Robert Frost

~I don't bother getting even. I just get odd.

~I feel sorry for the guy who has to play the world's smallest violin. Everybody just thinks he's being sarcastic.

~I know there's no way to do that - but if there WERE a way, what would it be?

~I just read that YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook are merging. It'll be called You-Twit-Face.

~I put all my money into taxes. That's the only thing that's sure to go up.

~I've broken so many mirrors in my life, if I live long enough to have all that bad luck, I'll be lucky.

~If I can quote lines out of the Bible, would I be well-versed in it?

~If I work well at a diner, am I being counter-productive?

~If you want to be a dear old lady at seventy, you have to begin early, say about seventeen.

~If you do nothing, nothing will happen. If you do something, something will happen, but not necessarily what you intended.

~If you live long enough, something will kill you.

~If you throw your cat out the window is that kitty litter?

~If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.

~If you're a cynic, everyone's corrupt. If you're an idealist, everyone's corrupt, except you.

~It is never wise to let any piece of electronic equipment know that you are in a hurry.

~If music be the food of love, play on... ~William Shakespeare

~If you owe the bank $100, that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem. --J. Paul Getty

~If you're in a bad situation, don't worry it'll change. If you're in a good situation, don't worry it'll change.

~If I never met you, I wouldn't like you. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't love you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't miss you. But I did, I do, and I will. I love you dear!!!

~In youth the days are short and the years are long. In old age the years are short and day's long. Pope Paul VI

~In youth we run into difficulties. In old age difficulties run into us.Beverly Sills

~Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.

~It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad. C. S.

~I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am.

~If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.

~I respectfully decline the invitation to join your hallucination. (Scott Adams)

~I want to be everybody, and I want to be everything. One life is not enough.

~I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness

~If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one person enjoys it.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

~I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

~I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

~I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

~I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

~I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

~I always take life with a grain of salt ...plus a slice of lemon ...and a shot of tequila.

~If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.


J

~

~Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed. (Charles Schulz)

~Journal writing is a voyage to the interior.

~Jesus 'crossed' out your sins at Calvary.

~Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.

~Jesus is my favorite loser. He fell for the entire human race.

K
~Keep busy while you are waiting for something to happen.

~know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

~Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is NEVER putting it in a fruit salad.

~Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. (Mark Twain)

~Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

~Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

~

L

~Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.


~Life is ours to be spent, not saved.

~Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. (Helen Keller)

~Life is not a matter of milestones, but of moments. ~Rose Kennedy

~Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well. (Eight-year-old)

~"Love all, trust a few. Do wrong to none." --William Shakespeare

~Life is fun when you have a good friend.

~Love is blind, but friendship closes it eyes.

~Life is a grindstone; whether it grinds you down or polishes you up depends on what you're made of.

~Life is the ultimate IQ test.

~Liquidity: when you look at your investments and wet your pants.

~Legalizing sin does not make it harmless.

~Life is like a mirror; we get the best results when we smile at it.

~Light travels faster than sound - that's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

~Lounge Lizard: "Hello, there! Where have you been all my life?" Young Thing: "For the first half of it, I wasn't born yet."


M
~Man lives more by affirmation than by bread. (Victor Hugo)

~My door says: Go ahead and knock . . . . I am already disturbed.

~Musicians don't retire; they stop when there's no more music in them. (Louis Armstrong)

~"My spelling is Wobbly. It's good spelling but it Wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places." -- Winnie the Pooh

~Most grandmas have a touch of the scallywag

~Making a friend takes a moment. Being a friend takes a lifetime.

~Many peoople will walk in and out of your life. But only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.

~Mothers make men. ~Thomas Jefferson

~Make sure you have finished speaking before your audience has finished listening.

~Measure your wealth not by the things you have, but by the things you have for which you would not take money.

~Moses broke the ten commandments.

~My parents want me to have the things they didn't have when they were kids. Like, all As on every report card.

~My mother said to me, "If you become a soldier you'll be a general; if you become a monk you'll end up as the Pope." Instead, I became a painter and wound up as Picasso. (Pablo Picasso)

~May thy ball lie in green pastures ... and not in still waters.

~My idea of an agreeable person is one who agrees with me.

~Many women could add years to their lives by telling the truth.

~Most people don't make the same mistake twice. They make it three or four times.

~My body may be present, but my mind has already teed off.

~Middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature.

~Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle. Bob Hope

~Muscles come and go; flab lasts.

~MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER

~Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

~My psychiatrist told me I was crazy; I said I want a second opinion. He said, okay, you're ugly too

~

N

~Nostalgia isn't what it used to be

~Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend. -Plautus

~Now, as always, the most automated appliance in a household is a mother.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

~Never let formal education get in the way of your learning. -Mark Twain

~Never explain. Your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe you anyway
~Never confuse motion with action. (Ernest Hemingway)

~No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

~Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

~Never buy an appliance from a man on the street who's out of breath.

~Never try to drown your sorrows. They can swim.

~No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

~Not only am I a master of suspense, but I

~Nothing increases your golf score like witnesses.

~Nobody grows old merely by living a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.

~None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm. Henry David Thoreau

~No one can confidently say that he will still be living tomorrow.Euripides

O
~Old age ain't no place for sissies. (Bette Davis)

~Only your real friend will tell you when your face is dirty. -Sicilian Proverb

~"Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don't recognize them." - Ann Landers

~Old lawyers never die. They just lose their appeal.

~On your birthday, send a thank you card to your mom.

~One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar. (Helen Keller)

~Old age comes on suddenly, and not gradually as is thought. Emily Dickinson

~One half of the world doesn't understand the other half, and it doesn't matter which half you're in.

~

P

~

~Promises may get friends, but it's performance that keeps them.

~"People who don't Think probably don't have Brains; rather, they have gray fluff that's blown into their heads by mistake." - Winnie The Pooh

~People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.

~Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of God, no matter what the conflict.

~People who know the least always argue the most.

~Political Procedure: Somebody speaks at length but says nothing, nobody listens, and then everybody disagrees.

~People who think they could know it all are pains in the neck to those of us who really do.

~"Patience is better than pride" (Ecclesiastes 7:8). Of course, there's some part of me that would like to have both.

~Problems that go away by themselves usually come back by themselves.

~Resurrection life is certainly not a grave situation. Try it sometime.

Q

R
~Reputation is what men and women think of us; character is what God and angels know of us. -Thomas Paine

S
~Some people think they are generous because they give away free advice.

~Some people drink at the fountain of knowledge while others only gargle.

~"Some people care too much, I think it's called love." -- Winnie the Pooh

~Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

~Stop telling God how big your storm is. Start telling the storm how big your God is!--unknown

~Some people drink at the fountain of knowledge while others only gargle.

~Swallow your pride, it contains no calories

~"Stay" is a charming word in a friend's vocabulary. -Louisa May Alcott

~Some people come into our lives, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never the same

~Soft soap from the pulpit won't cleanse sin from the pew....

~Some people do odd things to get even.

~She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

~So when someone indicates they've attached something to an email and forgot to do so, do they have an attachment disorder?

~Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.

~Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job.

~Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

~Smart young folks know all the rules. Smart old folks know the exceptions.

~So yesterday my friend texts me and asked, "What does IDK mean?" So I answered, "I don't know." My friend texts me back: "OMG nobody knows!"

~Some people drink at the fountain of knowledge while others only gargle.

~Sometimes I think I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

~Studying economics may not give you the answers to serious economic problems, but at least you'll learn to avoid being deceived by economists.

~Sure, it's the thought that counts, but couldn't people think a little bigger?
~Swallow your pride, it contains no calories.

~SNOOZE ALARMS:When you rearrange the letters:ALAS! NO MORE Z'S

~Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.

~Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

~Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

T


~The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.


~The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

~To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

~The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas! (my ultimate favorite!!)

~There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

~To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target..


~Those who follow the crowd are quickly lost in it.

~The best thing about getting old is that all those things you couldn't have when you were young, you no longer want.

~The worse thing about getting old is having to listen to a lot of advice from one's children.

~The longest period in a woman's life is the ten years between age thirty-nine and forty.

~Time may be a great healer but it isn't much of a beautician.

~The people sensible enough to give good advice are usually sensible enough to give none.

~To avoid old age keep taking on new thoughts and throwing off old habits.

~The only way to keep from growing old is to die young.

~The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it.

~This is the only country where a housewife hires a woman to do her cleaning so she can do volunteer work at the day nursery where the cleaning woman leaves her child.

~There is no king who has not had a slave among his ancestors and no slave who has not had a king among his. -Helen Keller

~The worst-tempered people I've ever met were people who knew they were wrong.

~The less we know, the more we argue.

~To win an argument is to lose a friend.

~Tempers flare and voices rise when an argument runs out of facts.

~The best way for a husband to win an argument is to take her in his arms.

~Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.

~The fool tells us what he will do; a boaster what he has done; the wise man does it and says nothing.

~Those who don't read good books have no advantage over those who can't read them.

~The man who walks humbly with his God is not likely to run over his fellow man.

~The greatest difficulty with the world is not its inability to produce, but it's unwillingness to share.

~The church which neglect the children will have children who neglect the church.

~The most influential of all educational factors is the conversation in a child's home. ~William Temple.

~The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.

~

~The fabric of our friendship came from above and is sewn together with threads of LOVE.

~The only thing about Global Warming that is man-made is the data....

~The best vitamin for making friends..... B1.

~The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.

~The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life. (Muhammad Ali)

~The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you'll grow out of it. (Doris Day)

~Tip from nature; your ears are made to be open and your mouth made to shut.

~There would be little or no news if everybody obeyed the Ten Commandments.

~The optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

~The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been.

~The older I get, the more wisdom I find in the ancient rule of taking first things first – a process which often reduces the most complex human problems to manageable proportions. (Dwight D. Eisenhower)

~The older you get, the fewer things it seems too late to do.

~The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. (Lucille Ball)

~The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved. -Victor Hugo

~The best kind of friend is the one you could sit on a porch with, never saying a word and walk away feeling like that was the best conversation you've ever had.

~The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart. -Elisabeth Foley.

~True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.

~Time softens the edges of our memory

~True friends are like diamonds, precious and rare. False friends are like autumn leaves, found everywhere.

~The language of friendship is not words, but rather meanings. It is an intelligence above language. -Thoreau

~To find a friend one must close one eye; to keep him, two.

~The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.

~There would be no news to report if everybody obeyed the 10 Commandments.

~The lawyer's Creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.

~The best way to get even is to forgive and forget.

~The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else do it wrong without comment.

~Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. ~Robert Frost

~The face is the mirror of the mind and the eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart. ~St. Jerome

~The bird, a nest. The spider, a web. The human, friendship. -William Blake

~The milk of human kindness never curdles.

~The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. ~Albert Einstein

~There are two means of refuge from the misery of life- music and cats.

~Take everything in moderation, including moderation.

~The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.

~The best mirror is an good friend.

~The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

~The first restaurant on the moon will never do very well. It might have great food, but no atmosphere.

~The hand that rocks the cradle usually is attached to someone who isn't getting enough sleep.

~The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does.

~The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.

~The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail and not his tongue.

~There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.

~There's something wrong if you're always right.

~They say kids brighten the home. That's because they never turn the lights off.

~To make a long story short, don't tell it.

~To prevent sagging skin eat till the wrinkles fill out.

~Take C-H-R-I-S-T out of Christmas and you're left with a "miss."

~Tell a man there are 300 million stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he'll have to touch it to make sure.

~The devil is the father of lies, but he neglected to patent the idea, and the business now suffers from competition.

~The Golfer's Diet: Live on greens as much as possible.

~The math teacher went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

~The optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

~The reason they called golf "golf" was all the other 4-letter words were taken.

~The sentence below is true.
The sentence above is false.

~The tragedy of Canada: They could have had French cuisine, British culture, and American technology. Instead, they ended up with British cuisine, American culture, and French technology.

~The 12-step chocoholics program: Never be more than 12 steps away from chocolate.

~The word "aerobics" was invented when the gym instructors got together and said: "If we're going to charge $20 an hour, we can't call it Jumping Up And Down."

~There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.

~There's always a lot to be thankful for, if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

~Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

~This would be a wonderful world if we showed as much patience in all things as we do in waiting for a fish to bite.

~There's one sure-fire way to double one's money: Fold it in half and put it back in the pocket.

~Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock.

~The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance -- it is the illusion of knowledge.

~"Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever."… Psalm 125:1

~The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young. Henry Ford

~The great secret that all old people share is that you really haven't changed in seventy or eighty years. Your body changes, but you don't change at all. And that, of course, causes great confusion.

~The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you'll grow out of it.

~The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.

~There is still no cure for the common birthday. John Glenn

~True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.

~The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity.

~THE EYES:When you rearrange the letters:THEY SEE

~ . . . thinking about Tiller the 'baby killer'. He was the late term abortion doctor that murdered thousands of babies. He was shot and killed last year I think. One twitter person wrote.. "Tiller was the victim of a very late term abortion" I never thought of it that way.

~The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.

~To what use is cowhide most ideally suited? A: Holding a cow together.

~The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

~

U

~

~Usually when I listen to many political speeches, it's the same as shooting at a target; I must allow for the wind!

~Unless you can create the whole universe in 5 days, then perhaps giving "advice" to God isn't such a good idea.

V

W

~We deem those men most remarkable who think as we do.

~We'll never get together as long as Americans want to be in the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the middle of the road.

~When angry count ten before speaking - when very angry count one hundred and don't speak.

~While I can't understand parts of the Bible, there are other parts I can't misunderstand.

~When wealth is lost, little is lost; when health is lost, much is lost; when character is lost, everything is lost.

~When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him.

~We grow neither better nor worse as we get old, but more like ourselves.

~We don't make mistakes here, we just have happy accidents. (Bob Ross)

~Whether one is twenty, forty, or sixty; whether one has succeeded, failed or just muddled along; whether yesterday was full of sun or storm, or one of those dull days with no weather at all, life begins each morning!

~We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads.

~With young people everything is much more on the surface – all the emotions; when you get older you know how to hide things.

~Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

~We could learn a lot from crayons.. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, But they all have to live in the same box.

~Without wearing any mask we are conscious of, we have a special face for each friend. -Oliver Wendell Holmes, 1843

~When someone cares enough to love us in our perfectly imperfect form, they bless us with a rare kind of joy.

~When you are with a friend, your heart has come home.

~When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your BEST FRIEND will be there.

~What is a committee? A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to to the unnecessary.

~When God ordains, He sustains.

~Wearing your halo too tight can give others a headache.

~When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

~When in doubt, mumble.

~When times are tough, you know what you can ALWAYS count on? Your fingers.

~Where does all the white go when the snow melts?

~Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

~Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due.

~Wrinkles are something everyone else has. You have character lines.

~Whatever else is unsure in this stinking dunghill of a world a mother's love is not.

~We had cured ham for Christmas dinner. We all wondered what illness it was cured of.

~We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

~What can Santa give away and still keep? A cold.

~When having dinner with chess players, never sit at a table with a checkered cloth. It could take them hours to pass you the salt.

~When I was a kid, we walked 10 miles to school every day, uphill, often in the rain or snow. Man, did we feel stupid when we found out there was a bus.

~When you have a choice between stupidity and ignorance, pick ignorance. It's curable.

~When's the best time to plant a tree? 15 years ago. When's the second-best time? Today.

~Where am I going and why am I in this hand basket?

~Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

~Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

~Why do they call it Toys"R"Us? The people who work there aren't toys. They should call it Toys"R"Here.

~Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

~Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are going dead?

~Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

~Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

~Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

~Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf-esteem.

~Wife to husband: "This Christmas let's give each other sensible gifts...like ties and fur coats."

~What did one elevator say to the other? A: I think I'm coming down with something!

~What do you get when you cross an owl with a skunk? A: A bird that smells but doesn't give a hoot.

~What do you give someone who has everything? A. Antibiotics.

~What sport do elephants play in a taxi? A: Squash.

~When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

~We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

~War does not determine who is right - only who is left

~Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

~Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

~Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

~Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?


X

y

~You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.


~You're never too old to learn something stupid.


~You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.

~You know you are having an adventure when you are terrified when it is happening, but it is fun to talk about later.

~You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be.

~Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life.

~You know you're old when you've lost all your marvels.

~You must feed your Spirit because your flesh is never satisfied!

~"You must have a room, or a certain hour or so a day, where you don't know what was in the newspapers that morning... a place where you can simply experience and bring forth what you are and what you might be." Joseph Campbell (1904 - 1987)

~Yes'm, old friends is always best, 'less you can catch a new one that's fit to make an old one out of.

~You're not finished when you're defeated, you're only finished when you
quit.

~You may be only one person in the world, But you may also be the world to one person.

~You cannot be very smart if you have never done anything foolish.

~Your feet can learn the steps, but only your spirit can dance.

~You never get over being a child, 'long as you have a mother to go to.

~You can't trample infidels when you're a tortoise. I mean, all you could do is give them a meaningful look.

~You were born an original. Don't die a copy.

~You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out its neck.

~Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.

~You temper will improve if you don't use it.

~You can be anything you want to be, if only you believe with sufficient conviction and act in accordance with your faith; for whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.

~You can't keep trouble from coming, but you don't have to give it a chair to sit on.

~You know you are getting old when Santa starts looking younger.

~You may not always know the details of your journey or clearly see where the trail is leading, but God will always give you enough light to take the next step.

~You stop believing in Santa Claus when you start getting clothes for Christmas.

~You! Off my planet!

~You're only as old as you feel ... the next day.

~Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you are beyond the need of God's grace.

~You know you're getting old when all the names in your black book have M. D. after them. Harrison Ford

~Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.George Bernard Shaw

~You can always tell a failure by the way he criticizes success.

Z


Used Quotes
A

@ An atheist cannot find God for the same reason a thief cannot find a policeman.

@Adventure isn't hanging on a rope off the side of a mountain. Adventure is an attitude that we must apply to the day to day obstacles of life.

@ Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

@"Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today
of its strength." ----Charles Spurgeon----

@ A hard stretch of road is always easier when you travel with a friend.

@Another belief of mine: that everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise.

@ASTRONOMER:When you rearrange the letters:MOON STARER

@ Accept that some days you're the pigeon, And some days you're the statue.

@ Anybody who thinks he knows all the answers isn't up to date on the questions.

@ Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for yourself.

@ Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.

@ A fanatic is a person who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. -- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

@ A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world. -Lois Wyse

@ A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

@ Always keep your words soft and sweet, Just in case you have to eat them.
@ A sharp tongue can cut your own throat.

@Adventure isn't hanging on a rope off the side of a mountain. Adventure is an attitude that we must apply to the day to day obstacles of life.

B
@ By the time you reach 50, people expect you to be mature, responsible, wise, and dignified. This is the time to disillusion them.

@ Bite off more than you can chew, then chew it.

@ Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle in their journey. Thank God and them for the opportunity to walk this leg of their journey with them.

@ Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

@ Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.

@ Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away and barefoot.

@Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

@ Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.


C
@ Confidence is that feeling you have just before you fully understand the situation.

@ Can you believe how many award shows they have now? It seems there's an award show for everything. They even have awards for commercials! The Clio Awards, a whole show full of commercials. I taped it and then I fast-forwarded through the whole thing.

@ Called my stockbroker this morning and asked him what I should be buying? He said, "Canned goods and ammunition."

D
@ Desperation is sometimes as powerful an inspirer as genius.

@ Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.

@ Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.

@ Don't wait for the storm to pass, dance in the rain!

@ DORMITORY:When you rearrange the letters:DIRTY ROOM

@ DIAPER spelled backward is REPAID. Think about it...

@ During a recent company password audit, it was found that a certain air-head was using the following password: MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy. When asked why such a big password, the employee said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.

E
@ Each day comes bearing its own gifts. UNTIE THE RIBBONS

@ ELECTION RESULTS:When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

@ Evil can reform, but stupid is forever.

F
@ Faith is a journey, not a guilt trip.

@ Frequent naps will keep you from getting old - especially if you're driving.

@ Friendship isn't a big thing, it's a million little things.


G
@ God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change...the courage to change the one I can...and the wisdom to know IT'S ME."

@ "Good enough" is NEVER good enough.

@ God writes the Gospel not in Bible alone, but on trees and flowers and clouds and stars. --Martin Luther

@ God without man is still God, man without God is nothing.

H
@ Honk if you love Jesus! Text while driving if you want to meet Him.

@ How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and the strong. Because someday in your life, you will have been all of these. George Washington Carver

@ If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough.

@ If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere. ~Frank A. Clark

@ I try to take one day at a time but sometimes several days attack me at once.

@ It is easy to sit up and take notice. What is difficult is getting up and taking action.

@ If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.

@ "I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." Bill Cosby

@ Ignorance might be bliss to you, but it's agony to everyone around you.

@ "I have always considered marriage as the most interesting event of one's life, the foundation of happiness or misery." --George Washington, letter to Burwell Bassett, 1785

@ I always put off procrastinating as long as I can.

@ I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to forget about it!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving!!

@ I walked a mile with gladness -she chattered all the way,
but I was none the wiser for all she had to say.
I walked a mile with sorrow-not a word said she,
but oh the things I learned from her, when sorrow walked with me.

@ I was always taught, "You become what you eat." So I only eat rich foods. I'm still waiting...

@ "If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old."

@ If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

@ "If you judge people, you have no time to love them." -- Mother Teresa

@ If nothing is going well, call your grandmother. -Italian proverb.

@ "I hope you'll hear what I'm about to tell you. I hope you'll hear it all the way down to your toes. When you're waiting, you're not doing nothing. You're doing the most important something there is. You're... allowing your soul to grow up. If you can't be still and wait, you can't become what God created you to be." Sue Monk Kidd

@ If you are on the rocks, you should get on THE ROCK.

@ It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others.

@ Is it possible to scream at the bottom of your lungs?

J
@ Join the AAAAAA! (American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous)

K
@ Kind words are jewels that live in the heart and soul and remain as blessed memories years after they have been spoken.

L
@ Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. (Helen Keller)

@ Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

@ Life is like a coin... You can spend it any way you choose, but you can only spend it once. ~Anonymous

@ Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting . holy cow!.....what a ride!!"

@ Lord, help me get up when I fall. I can fall by myself.

M
@ Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty... But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. (Phyllis Diller)

@ My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money. -Joe Weinstein

@~A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.


N
@ Never try to drown your sorrows. They can swim.

@ Never confuse the will of the majority with the will of God.

@ Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, Because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

@ Not only do I not know what's going on, but I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.

O
@ Only uncomfortable chairs become antiques; the comfortable ones wear out. (Bruce M. Miller)

P
@ Profanity is the use of strong words by weak people.

@ PRESBYTERIAN:When you rearrange the letters:BEST IN PRAYER

Q

R
@ Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

@ Real friendship is shown in times of trouble; Prosperity is full of friends. -Euripedes

S
@ Sometimes it's easier to forgive an enemy than it is to forgive a friend.

@ Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can. --Arthur Ashe

@ SLOT MACHINES:When you rearrange the letters:CASH LOST IN ME

@ Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”

@ Sometimes God calms the storm... Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child.

@ Silence may often be misunderstood, but it can never be misquoted.

T
@ The doorknob to sin is on the inside of you, chose not to open that door.

@ There has been only one Christmas - the rest are anniversaries. ~W.J. Cameron

@ The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts

@ The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

@ Time and trouble will tame a young woman, but an older woman is uncontrollable by any earthly force. (Dorothy Leigh Sayers)

@ The first day of my diet is the hardest because by the second day I'm not on it anymore!

@ The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears or the sea.

@ The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

@ There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle.The other is as though everything is!" ~A. Einstein

@ Time may be a great healer but it isn't much of a beautician.

@ The kite that pulls on the string the hardest, usually flies the highest. ---a quote for those moms with strong willed children!

@ THE MORSE CODE:When you rearrange the letters:HERE COME DOTS

@ The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.

@ The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

@ The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it. --Albert Einstein

@ This would be a wonderful world if we showed as much patience in all things as we do in waiting for a fish to bite.


@ The early bird may get the worm but it's the second mouse that gets the cheese.




U
@ Unless you can create the whole universe in 5 days, then perhaps giving "advice" to God isn't such a good idea.

V

W
@ Women get the last word in every argument. Anything a man says after that
is the beginning of a new argument.

@ What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

@ Why do you have to be something when you get older? you already are something...A person! - Delaney Springer '09, 5 yr. old

@ When you're over 50 you can still do all the things you did when you were 17, if you don't mind making an idiot of yourself.

@ When you know better, do better. Joel Brooks

@ When everything's coming your way, You're in the wrong lane.

@ When I was a kid, we walked 10 miles to school every day, uphill, often in the rain or snow. Man, did we feel stupid when we found out there was a bus.

@ When's the best time to plant a tree? 15 years ago. When's the second-best time? Today.
@ When a thing has been said, and said well, have no scruple. Take it and copy it. ~Anatole France

@ When people complain that they don't get what they deserve, they don't know how fortunate they are.

@ Why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?

X

Y
@ You may not always know the details of your journey or clearly see where the trail is leading, but God will always give you enough l ight to take the next step.

@ You can't always win today's battle...but that doesnt mean you've lost tomorrows war...

@ Young and fast eventually loses to old and sneaky.

@ Your behavior is what you believe; all the rest is just talk.

@ You can always tell a real friend; when you've made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel you've done a permanent job.

@ Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement. (Snoopy)

Z